hermeisha, Author at Refuge Counseling Wellness Services

Election Anxiety

By hermeisha RefugeCounsel
November 3, 2020
Anxiety

As trauma survivors, many of us are still learning how to self regulate. Now more than ever do we need to pause and check in with ourselves as we anxiously await the results that will determine the course of this Country for next four years and thereafter.

Here are some quick grounding examples to reduce levels of distress.

Practice Mindfulness.

Name the emotion you are feeling right now and “where” you feel that emotion in your body. Pause. Take a deep breath to the count of four, hold it to the count of five, exhale to the count of six. Repeat as many times as you desire, such as 5 minutes at a time or every hour. You can take this time to pray or to stay silent, simply noticing your breath.

Give yourself permission to take intentional breaks from the news.

The key is to take a mindful moment to unplug. Maybe it’s for 10min, 30min or an hour. Replace it with board games, music, a good movie, or even a cat nap. Healthy distractions help reduce the amount of stress cortisol in the body.

Practice holding time.

If you have a partner, sibling, or trusted friend whom you feel most comfortable and safe with, allow them to hold you as you share you heart. Because of our trauma, many of us have grown accustomed to doing things alone, but there is something to be said when someone physically sits with you in your pain, as you process out loud, as you lament. Let them hold you through it as you release tension from your body. The “holder” simply listens.

Take time to practice these quick and simple grounding skills today for immediate relief.

When Past Trauma Floods The Present

As a certified EMDR trauma therapist, I am a firm believer that all of our mental health struggles can be traced back to our individual and collective experiences with trauma. Our experiences with trauma impact how we parent, our perceptions of self and others, and how we respond in relationships. Often times, we are unaware when our traumatic responses are flooding into the present.

Practicing these tips below will help strengthen your awareness of the unconscious memories driving your behavior.

(If you do not feel comfortable doing these tips alone, please do them with a trusted friend or counselor)

Recognizing When the Past Is Becoming the Present

1. Pay Attention to your Behavior.

Does your “reaction” match the content of the situation OR is it an “overreaction?” Here’s what you can do to answer that question:

Identify a “mildly” irritating or “mildly” upsetting event.

When ___________________________________________________happened,

I felt______________________________________________________________

I thought__________________________________________________________

and I did _________________________________________________________

2. Become familiar with your somatic responses:

When you’re feeling irritated, stressed and/or overwhelmed, where does your body hold it? (in chest, head, back, etc.) How does your body respond? (racing heart, clinched jaw, overheating, etc.).

3. Have you felt this way before?

4. Take note of the connection between present feelings and similar past feelings.

5. Practice de-escalating techniques:

like mindful deep breathing, tapping, snuggling a pet, stepping outside for air, taking a warm bath, listening to soothing music, etc. to calm the brain of any over stimulation or triggers that may come up.

Reach out to a therapist to help process any painful memories that are present.

Is Forgiveness Conditional Or Unconditional

By hermeisha RefugeCounsel
October 10, 2019
Forgiveness

Many lean towards the belief that biblical forgiveness is conditional—-that forgiveness is extended only if the offender apologizes, if the offender acknowledges and takes ownership of their wrong. When they do, that is when we extend forgiveness.

The Gospel message is based off this example, that God extends forgiveness, “when” we believe. Belief is exercised through “confession” and “repentance,” prompted by God regenerating our hearts (i.e by the holy spirit). Therefore, when we confess and repent of our sins (i.e our heart posture comes to acknowledge our wrong, our sins), it is in-fact true that forgiveness is conditional, and thereby when such conditions are met, (salvific) forgiveness is granted by God the Father.

In my ongoing limited study, I have observed evidence in scripture for both conditional and unconditional forgiveness. The biggest example is Jesus on the cross literally declaring, “Father forgive them for they know not what they do.” Here, it appears unconditional forgiveness is extended prior to anyone’s belief, let alone one’s confession and repentance.

Why Unconditional Forgiveness Is Rejected

I am wondering if unconditional forgiveness is rejected because it is often taught separate from justice and accountability. You can unconditionally forgive someone who never “repents.” You can also still pray for justice and/or accountability, and pray that they recognize their wrong because these request are also part of God’s character. Unconditional forgiveness does not mean that you leave myself open to more harm to the offender who never repented. Unconditional forgiveness still requires boundaries, and one can still pray for justice and accountability—while releasing vengeance to the Lord.

One aching (rhetorical) question to those who stand firm that we as Christians should only practice conditional forgiveness, is this: What do you do if the offender never apologies? Never repents, who never acknowledges their wrong….Lord knows it happens. Following the application of conditional forgiveness, it appears we end up setting ourselves up for bitterness, rage, malice and all kinds unhealthy fruit (Ephesians 4:31) contrary to scripture. It also does not represent the fullness of God. If our horizontal forgiveness towards one another is only conditional and the person never apologizes/repents, how are you able to reconcile, “but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses” (Matt. 6:15).

Regarding our horizontal application of forgiveness towards one another, I lean that forgiveness it is both conditional and unconditional.

What If

If forgiveness is both conditional and unconditional, that means we are to forgive when “your brother sins against you, seventy times seven and repents, you must forgive (Luke 17:4) and “whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses” (Mark 11:25) key word on “anything against anyone.”

Taking in the whole counsel of God and knowing God to be Holy, but also very practical, full of grace and mercy, but also of justice and truth—-it seems to me that both conditional and unconditional forgiveness represent who He is. I also see that unconditional forgiveness truly deepens our faith in Christ.

Yet, maybe the issue is semantics: “offering” “extending” vs “granting” forgiveness.

But again, still studying….

Botham Jean Trial: The Effects of Racial Trauma and Getting Clear on Forgiveness

On October 2 , 2019, America witnessed something both extraordinary, awe inspiring and yet deeply conflicting at the same time.

When Botham Jean’s brother, Brandt Jean expressed forgiveness towards Amber Guyger for intentionally murdering his brother in his own apartment, it triggered an uproar for understandable reasons. Many wrote about the concerns of white Christians and America in general, who weaponize black forgiveness and use it as an opportunity to selectively gloss over crimes against Black bodies. The granting of forgiveness on its own, “sends the wrong message when it doesn’t afford the same leniency toward people of color who are incarcerated and caught up in the criminal justice system at higher rates than whites,” said Changa Higgins, the Head of the Dallas Community Police Oversight Coalition.

While such conflicting feelings and messages are significant portions of the discourse, I am here to focus our attention on the observed general theme of the misapplication and misunderstanding of forgiveness altogether that becomes dangerous if we do not get it right. I am not questioning the genuineness of Brandt’s decision (that is between him and the Lord), but I am highlighting the unconscious motivation that drives the need for Black Christians to extend forgiveness publicly, prematurely, impulsively and/or irresponsibly.

We often see forgiveness played out like this from Black Christians who have experience unimaginable racial trauma, and have suffered great violence and catastrophic loss by their white counterparts. In the depths of such loss, we see Black Christians take upon themselves the burden and ownership of displaying unwavering strength, without fully processing the magnitude of what occurred. This behavior is one of the effects of racial trauma that causes Black Christians to censor their pain and the rawness of negative feelings, in order to subconsciously avoid the false narrative as the “angry” “aggressive” “divisive” “unforgiving” Black man/woman on national TV.

We saw the same demonstration of forgiveness during the Charleston massacre shooting. 21 y/o Dylan Roof entered Emmanuel African Methodist Episcopal (Mother Emmanuel) Church in SC during their weekly Bible Study, staying until the end of the study, to then murder nine Black congregants right after the study. Just 2-days after that unspeakable trauma–still drowning in the shock of what transpired, the victim’s family members were surprisingly announcing they forgive Dylan Roof, also on national TV. Dylan roof, on the other hand stated he had no remorse for his actions, was yet calmly detained and taken to Burger King for lunch by law enforcement.

I am encouraging Black Christians to find peace in knowing that though the gaze of White America and societal stress may be influencing how you handle the effects of racial trauma publicly, you are not obligated to make it all look clean and pretty. The effects of trauma is so messy, its ugly, and far from tidy. You are not obligated to run towards forgiveness if your heart is not ready. God will still meet you right in the midst of the unbearable pain and gently guide your heart towards closure.

I am encouraging all of us as Christians to a healthier understanding and application of forgiveness altogether. The truth is, forgiveness is simple, and yet complicated in action. It is an integral part of our healing from the trauma.

And forgive us our sins, as we have forgiven those who sin against us…If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. (Matthew 6:12, 14).

Here are some examples of what forgiveness is and what it is not.

What Is Not Forgiveness:

Forgiveness does not mean a person should not be held accountable for their actions. It does not mean we must take upon ourselves the burden to advocate for the relinquishment of their consequences either.

Forgiveness does not mean it has to happen 1.2 seconds after the offense. Our Lord never put an explicit timeframe on when we needed to forgive, but that we should forgive. This means He understands that forgiveness is not only a command but also a (working through) process.

Forgiveness does not mean reconciliation.

Forgiveness does not mean you have to keep yourself open to more harm or abuse.

What Is Forgiveness:

Forgiveness means that I have accepted that the offense happened, not that I accept that the offense was ok.

Forgiveness means that I have worked through and acknowledged the emotions attached to the offense/crime/ trauma.

Forgiveness means the letting go of holding onto the offense/crime/ trauma altogether. It was awful. It happened. Choosing forwardness.

Forgiveness means redefining the trauma and not allowing the trauma to define you.

Forgiveness means I am still choosing forgiveness when the painful emotions come back up again and again and again and again.

Forgiveness means sanctification.

Forgiveness mean I can still pray for accountability.

Forgiveness means I can still pray for justice.

Forgiveness means I can still pray for mercy.

Forgiveness is an act of unconditional, undeserving love and an act of obedience between you and God.

Forgiveness means I have the choice to forgive you whether you apologize or not.

Forgiveness involves healthy boundaries.

Forgiveness means I do not seek personal vengeance, rather I lay down my claim to vengeance for you to face with the Lord.

Forgiveness is ultimately freeing.

May we all be a little clearer on what forgiveness is. May we become more aware of the effects of (racial) trauma and its impact on how we extend forgiveness. And may we rest in the freedom of Christ in knowing God is still with you, even when your heart may not be ready to move towards forgiveness and acceptance of the traumatic offense right now.

“Black forgiveness is admirable when it is freely given and not demanded or expected. And the best response to black forgiveness is to prevent the harm that makes it necessary in the first place,” Jemar Tisby, author of “The Color of Compromise: The Truth About the American’s Church Complicity in American Racism”

Deep prayers for healing and comfort for Botham Jean’s family and all those who are grappling with the ongoing effects of (racial) trauma. #BothamJean #RIP

Suicide: How Are You Armoring Up?

By hermeisha RefugeCounsel
September 13, 2019
Suicide

This week Gregory Eells, head of counseling and psychological services at University of Pennsylvania, and Jarrid Wilson, a Megachurch Pastor who promoted and advocated for mental health, died by suicide this week. It sparked widespread confusion and concern as to how these two men, with such great influence in their communities, fall victim to suicide. You may be thinking, if it can happen to them, can it happen to me?

The sobering truth is, none of us are immune to dying by suicide, attempting suicide or thinking of suicide for that matter, including mental health professionals, Christians, pastors, teachers, professors, first responders, or even children. Suicide has no bias. It does not preference race, age, religion, class, or gender.

But the question we should be asking ourselves is, what makes dying by suicide possible for all of us. In my work as a trauma therapist, I believe the reason is found in deepening our understanding of trauma and its effects. Trauma is any disturbing or distressing experience that overwhelms our natural information processing system, keeping the experience “frozen in time” or unprocessed (Shapiro, 2012). These disturbing experiences produce an overwhelming and unmanageable emotional response; meaning the disturbing experience(s) were never truly integrated into one’s life where it was properly processed, stored and adaptable. The reality is, we all experienced some form of trauma. We all have some form of unprocessed stuff in our hearts and as such, we are all participating in life with traumatized based brains.

There are unprocessed traumas in our lives—that when the right conditions are set, when increased stressors and triggers hit that magnify our unconscious, unprocessed pain–that becomes the VERY thing that has the power to jolt us into a deep spiraling depression of irrational thinking and unimaginable hopelessness.

Next thing you know, you’ve stopped engaging and fighting those intrusive thoughts, you’ve stopped believing you can get better and stop hoping altogether because the pain has completely engulfed your ability to cope. You end up convinced that living does not seem worth fighting for.

How To Armor Up

Though general depression does not always end in one dying by suicide, recognizing the signs and symptoms that depression is present in your life and/or is increasing is important. Do you stop engaging in counseling, or with friends, family? Do you start isolating? Do you start sleeping more or less? What triggers the beginning stages of your sadness or feeling completely overwhelmed? For many, myself included, not getting enough sleep is a big one. When our brains have not received adequate sleep to feel renewed and refreshed to tackle on the day, the day becomes harder. Couple that with unruly children, a bad breakup, or natural disasters, it becomes a recipe for increased symptoms of depression.

Be actively engaged in (trauma) counseling, where you can increase your insight, do the work in processing the memories related to your physical symptoms and strengthen your ability to manage the day to day stressors and trauma triggers. In counseling you learn more about yourself, develop specific plans tailored to prevent you from reaching limits of despair, and have someone to talk to when you do feel alone in the world.

Have a trauma informed community of support (i.e., friends, church community, etc) that understand your suffering or situation and can hold you up when you feel like you can’t hold yourself up. Who is in your circle? Who is the first person you think of calling when you’re having a bad day? Start there and begin developing trustworthy friends who can help carry the burden in your time of need.

Though none of us are immune to suicide because we all possess traumatized brains, DOES NOT make us incapable of armoring up against it!

So, how are you armoring up?

Surviving Hurricane Dorian: Making Your Mental Health A Priority

Here we are again. Before we can catch our breath from Hurricane Flo, before we can put the finishing touches on housing repairs and settle back into our routines and sense of normalcy, Hurricane Dorian is now upon us.

Many times during a Hurricane or any natural disaster, we are rightly focused on our physical safety. We are told to ensure we have emergency kits ready, water, nonperishable food, important documentation handy and appropriate medication. Rarely do we place priority on our mental and emotional wellbeing during this time. Here are some things I recommend putting into practice today.

Keep your routine

As a full time homeschooling mom of two girls, a 5year old and 2year old, that means sticking to our homeschool routine as much as reasonably possible. It hasn’t been smooth, but it sure has been a good distraction for me and the girls. It has also helped the girls feel a sense of normalcy in the mist of being evacuated. What is your routine? What are the typical things you do during the day? I encourage you to do them if you can, even down to taking your medication daily.

Give yourself permission to take intentional breaks from the news

This can be a hard one since most of our anxiety is around tracking the movement of the Hurricane. But tracking it doesn’t reduce anxiety, only heightens it. So take a break from the news. Try 30min, then an 1hr, then 2hrs and so forth. The key is to take an intentional moment to unplug. Replace it with board games, music, a good movie, or even a nap. I recently watched 47 Meters Down on Netflix today and it was quite the distraction. A little jarring, but distracting. Catch up on that favorite series or participate in other distracting or relaxing activities.

Practice Wellness

When uncertainty comes, it heightens our fear and anxiety responses which can lead to mindless eating and taking part in unhealthy indulgences to sooth the discomfort. Now more than ever is it important to practice healthy living. Making sleep a priority, eating healthy meals and exercising are things not to neglect during this time. Instead of grabbing that fried food or sweet treat, try a nice crunchy chicken salad with your favorite (moderately) sweet dressing. For me, sodas and caffein have unfortunately been my go to. After noticing my increase tiredness and borderline fatigue (due to too much sugar intake), I’ve been finding satisfaction in carbonated waters. Taking healthy supplements like this new one I was recommended, called Ashwagandha for stress and anxiety relief https:/www.amazon.com/Ashwagandha-Organic-Cortisol seems to help as well. Taking supplements, stretching and practicing deep breathing are ways to start practicing wellness.

Practice Mindfulness

This can be as simple as thinking about the good things that are happening or have happened. The key is to take a moment to just be in the present and keep things in perspective. To breath. To pray. To Read. We are reminded in scripture to set our minds on the things above (Colossians 3:2), to think on the things that bring us joy, that are praiseworthy and affirming (Philippians 4:8). Why? Because the Lord knew that it’s so easy for us to think on the negative, to get consumed with the “what if’s,” to get so wrapped up in the future that we forget to remain in the present or see the good that is happening in the present. I’ve come across a really encouraging and relaxing Christian app called “Abide” https://abide.coa that allows you to listen to guided sleep stories, relaxing music, verses and encouraging speeches on a desired topic.

Other great apps include:

https://www.calm.com

https://insighttimer.com

https://www.headspace.com

Games, Music

https://www.happify.com

https://brain.fm

Track Mood

https://worrywatch.com

https://mymoodpath.com/en/

https://www.thewhatsupapp.co.uk

Whatever mindful task you choose, let it be an opportunity to reset and recenter and refresh. Practice these four tips today to prioritize your mental wellness during this difficult time.

We Need a Christ-Centered Theology of Trauma

I had the honor of being interviewed and featured in Christianity Today, addressing the topic of trauma and how the Church can respond.

Q&A: We Need a Christ-Centered Theology of Trauma

Therapist Hermeisha Hopson offers a clinically informed, scripturally sound approach to treating #MeToo victims and other survivors. At times, the magnitude of suffering in the world can seem too much. In the past year alone, we’ve been confronted by headlines of gunmen massacring concert-goers, church members, and children; entertainment executives preying upon women; a sexual predator molesting u pwards of 300 girls; and police officers violently responding to unarmed civilians—and these are just the stories that have made national news. In our personal lives, too, we sometimes see firsthand accounts of domestic violence, child abuse, and other traumas.

As the church, we’re called to mourn with those who mourn and comfort the afflicted, but it’s not always easy walking this journey alongside our friends and family. Hermeisha Hopson, a therapist and licensed social worker with a biblical counseling background, is intimately familiar with the work of coming alongside survivors. Hopson runs Refuge Counseling and Consulting Services in Jacksonville, North Carolina, and has over a decade of clinical experience with severe trauma victims.

She recently spoke with CT Women about how to equip churches, families, and individuals with a scripturally sound approach to trauma treatment.

How do you define trauma?

It’s any sort of disturbing experience that produces an overwhelming and unmanageable emotional response. Trauma covers a gamut of things—from a loss of a pet to the loss of a loved one to childhood sexual trauma. Often, folks struggle to concentrate, or they experience sleep problems and nightmares. These are cues that the situation has become unmanageable and that it’s not something that they can just bounce back from.

How did helping people suffering from trauma become a personal passion?

I’ve personally experienced sexual trauma and trauma within the body of Christ. Part of my desire to work with those suffering has come out of my own recovery. Today, my mission is to help the church become healthier. We have all of the truths of Christian orthodoxy, and those are transformative truths. Unfortunately, there is a disconnect between orthodoxy and orthopraxy and a lot of that has to do with our emotional health.

What catalyzed your own healing?

I sought out a therapist, she happened to be a believer, and she was clinically trained and biblically sound. (These types of qualities are sort of often hard to find! It’s like finding a unicorn when you find somebody that’s a believer and has the clinical training.) It was through therapy, as well as allowing the Holy Spirit and prayer to transform my heart, that I began to heal.

It seems like it was a huge step for you to decide to pray, especially if you were angry at God.

Just being able to acknowledge anger is difficult for a lot of us because we can run away from feeling any type of negative emotion and think that it’s sinful. But in Scripture, we see the Lord experiencing all kinds of emotions, including anger. What you do with those feelings is what the Lord is most concerned about.

Would you say that people “overcome” trauma? What is the right word there?

I use the word recovering because it’s not like a set point where you say, “Okay I’m healed; it’s done; it’s over with.” When you talk about trauma in your past, it’s not like your memory’s erased. You still have that memory. The way the Lord has wired our brains is that certain triggers can bring up those memories again. Recovery really looks like this: Am I managing some of the triggers or painful reminders in such a way that it’s not completely crushing me anymore?

A lot of folks come in for treatment and they’re just completely overwhelmed. They’re having panic attacks or nightmares. They’re responding out of rage and outburst. They’re suffering from bitterness and resentment. They’re being triggered with all sorts of stuff, and they don’t know how to end the cycle. My job is educating them about the definition of trauma, helping them understand that what they’ve gone through was traumatic, and then giving them a sense of self-awareness. The goal is to help them desensitize or reduce some of the impact of the trigger so that they’re able to respond and relate better in relationships as spouses and parents.

So the goal is to not shut down.

Right. You want to be able to de-escalate yourself, essentially. This takes self-awareness, work, consistency, and commitment. It also requires courage, because you’re facing some hard things from your past.

Victims are often abused by people who are really close to them—family members or family friends. As a result, sometimes there’s pressure on the victim to immediately forgive that individual. From your perspective as a counselor with a Christian worldview, where does forgiveness fit into this process?

We see throughout Scripture the Lord admonishing us to forgive others like we have been forgiven, but we haven’t always stewarded this concept well when we apply it to victims of abuse. When we jump too quickly to forgiveness, we haven’t necessarily acknowledged the survivor’s pain, and we end up dismissing the person.

The goal is to be gentle with that person’s heart. An example of an appropriate response would be: “I totally hear what you’re saying. I can’t believe how painful that

was and that really hurts me. Where is your heart at in processing some of your pain? Are you at the point where you can accept what has happened to you and you’ve moved forward with laying that before the Lord? Are you allowing him to take that pain away from you as you know that your offender is ultimately responsible to the Lord?”

Forgiveness is a choice, but it’s also a supernatural heart change prompted by the Holy Spirit. It means responding with the heart disposition of Not my will Lord, yours be done. It’s moving from I want revenge, I want to repay, I want to see them suffer to Lord you take it, take my pain, take my agony and set me free. Your will be done. It’s recognizing that you are not excusing the offense, you’re not minimizing the harm, but you are choosing to lay it at the foot of the Cross.

Still, we need to be tender in terms of how we apply forgiveness to victims of abuse. We don’t want to compromise Scripture, but we also don’t want to throw out calls for forgiveness irresponsibly.

Many people who end up traumatizing other people have been trauma survivors themselves. How do we think about generational sin and the sometimes-overlapping space of victim and perpetrator?

It’s true that many victims of sexual abuse often continue the pattern of abuse. However, they’re still personally responsible. Once you know that what you’ve gone through is not appropriate, you have to take ownership for your actions. It gets very sticky, especially when you’re dealing with minors, who often depend on adults to report these types of abuse. Government agencies, law enforcement, and other adults need to make sure that the right measures are taken to address these behaviors clinically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually, in order to end the cycle of abuse.

In the body of Christ, we haven’t always done a good job of handling these situations. There’s a lot of miseducation or fear, especially when a son or my daughter has harmed another member of the family. I empathize with that. But we are called to steward the children under us and make sure we have a safe home, and that requires us to make hard choices.

Click HERE for the published interview.

America Has Been Put On Notice

For hundreds of years, and currently, women have shared their stories of sexual abuse and are being silenced, blamed, dismissed and accused of false testimony. Many are shamed, blacklisted and deemed the problem, while the abuser is overwhelmingly provided unwavering support. How do I know? Because I, a licensed therapist, experienced shame and blame by church members and Police Officers when I reported sexual abuse against a former Pastor years ago. How do I know? Because I work with survivors that are doing the hard work in therapy to heal from the shame and guilt produced by their sexual trauma. This appears to be the social norm: A survivor finds the courage to finally share their story, and individuals attempt to discredit it with statements such as, “why speak up now,” “this is a witch-hunt,” “you led him on” “he didn’t abuse you, it was consensual” “you shouldn’t dress like that then” “you liked him anyway.”

The Entire Country Has Officially Been Put On Notice

Oprah’s acceptance speech at the Golden Globes was ignited by righteous indignation against sexual assault injustices in the workplace, in churches, the military, in law enforcement, in abusive marriages, in schools and in Hollywood. With a couple of sentences, she officially put the entire Country on notice by declaring ‘enough is enough’ and calling such persons who abuse to account, and I would add, calling those who enable abusers to account as well, “For too long women have not been heard or believed if they dared to speak their truth to the power of those men. But their time is up!”

It is no longer socially acceptable to shame and dismiss a survivor’s story just because you do not believe them. It is their story. You were not there. It is no longer ok to throw unwavering support behind an abuser under the guise of, “God forgives and you need to also” or “He’s not perfect, he’s just a man,” without condemning the harmful abusive act(s). It is not ok to blame your daughter for your brother, boyfriend or husband’s sexual actions against her. It is no longer ok for you to say to a victim, “this was your fault.” Why? Because the #MeToo community is large and strong and will no longer tolerate such treatment any further.

She ended her speech by encouraging young girls and women alike of the hope of a better America where we will no longer have to say #MeToo, “So I want all the girls watching here, now, to know that a new day is on the horizon! And when that new day finally dawns, it will be because of a lot of magnificent women, many of whom are right here in this room tonight, and some pretty phenomenal men, fighting hard to make sure that they become the leaders who take us to the time when nobody ever has to say “Me too” again.

***We cannot forget that the “Me Too” movement was founded and started by African American activist Tarana Burke about 10 years ago. Burke started the campaign to bring awareness to women and girls of color in underprivileged communities who have experienced sexual abuse and assault because they are often forgotten about. Thank you Tarana for your work and bringing this to the national stage, despite the lack of credit given!

Racial Discourse Is Therapeutically Necessary

Let me just start off by saying this is not a politically driven post. The topic of racial justice or racial unity is a therapeutic, spiritual and social issue that affects all of us, especially clients of color who represent vulnerable minority groups. What we are witnessing in our Country is the topic of race being catapulted back into a national discourse due to the state of America. Many have called this the 2^nd Civil Rights Movement, while others are chanting “Make America Great Again.”

Despite your own personal views regarding race relations in our Country, I implore you to take advantage of the opportunity to be informed and carefully and consciously engage when appropriate. These discussions are painful but necessary. Here are some things to consider prior to opening your mouth.

Consider the reality that ignoring race issues is not an option for our clients and friends of color: Here’s Why?

The truth is, as a Black therapist I would love more than anything not to be negatively reminded of the color of my skin or be perceived negatively because of my stance on (racial) justice. That is a privilege I just do not have. Its tiring to hear comments like “you’re an educated Black person,” “ you’re being divisive, “you’re making a big deal out of nothing” or “you’re unforgiving” because I am speaking about issues that matter to my livelihood but make individuals uncomfortable. Be aware that these instances are the norm for people of color who live in a Country that make policies and pass laws that affect their lives and their children’s lives.

Consider acknowledging your own racial bias.

We all have them. They are those attitudes, stereotypes and/or belief systems that are often not rooted in truth, but drive and influence what we think and how we treat people. Comments like “Asians can’t drive because they can’t see” or “Black men are scary and aggressive” and so forth and so on. Such biases are dangerous. Are you aware of some of your racial biases? What are they and why are they not true?

Consider being proactive in identifying ways that you are NOT a racist.

If you are quick to defend that you are not a racist, may I challenge you to consider ways that you are anti-racist. What are you doing to combat racism? How are you challenging your implicit and explicit bias that can lead to partiality, prejudice and racist harmful actions?

These are all difficult but necessary questions to ask yourself before engaging in any racial discourse. These questions help strengthen your level of awareness, cultural sensitivity and competency. This awareness is key to the therapeutic relationship. Please do not allow these questions to discourage you.

Secondary or Vicarious Trauma: What You Need To Know

The American Psychological Association defines trauma as an “emotional response to a terrible event like an accident, rape or natural disaster” (APA, 2017). Trauma is also any overwhelming experience that is not sufficiently processed cognitively, that produces an emotional, mental and physical response, making symptoms unmanageable and resulting in the sufferer to reactively respond to current triggers. The reality is, someone who experiences vicarious or secondary trauma can experience similar symptoms related to PTSD. The only difference is the proximity to the traumatic event. We should not treat vicarious trauma any lesser than direct trauma. Trauma is trauma. Here are some things you need to know about secondary trauma. (Please note, I am using vicarious and secondary trauma interchangeably because they are essentially synonymous).

The symptoms can range in level of severity, but the impact is the same

Someone who witnesses a murder through FB lifestream and someone who experiences direct combat trauma oversees, may both develop physiological and emotional responses congruent to the diagnosis of PTSD. Both may struggle with some if not all of the below symptoms on a spectrum:

Reliving the actual traumatic event through invasive thoughts, nightmares, flashbacks, or anxiety attacks.
Avoiding situations, places and people that remind you of the painful memory, to include general isolating.
Negative changes in mood (feeling more sad, irritable or easily angered), as well as negative changes in how one processes information (cognitive changes).
Increase hypervilgilence or the feeling of being hyperaware of the threat of danger (repositioning seating when in a room to plan for an escape, hyper aware to avoid certain discussions and topics, people or places that may remind you of the trauma, and generally going above and beyond to avoid any potential threats, etc.) when there is no threat of danger.

Secondary trauma should be treated and processed like any other direct trauma

Simply put, because one can experience similar symptoms related to PTSD as well as any other anxiety or cognitive disorder when they experience, hear about or indirectly witnesses a traumatic event, it still rates prioritizing your self care, which may look like seeking professional counseling. It is so important not to delay seeking help in whatever form that you choose and not disregard the effects it may be producing in your life just because you were not directly present when the trauma occurred and/or believe you “should not” feel the way you feel.

Do not downplay or dismiss the effects of secondary trauma

What may be traumatizing to me, may not be traumatizing to you. Trauma is subjective. If an event is currently impacting you and you are experiencing any of the above symptoms, take care of yourself and address them. If you feel you are struggling with anxiety and increased worry, fear, depression, confusion, etc., and are starting to notice isolative behaviors, increase agitation and anger (to name a few) after experiencing or hearing about a painful situation, please reach out for professional help with an objective safe person and do not overlook these symptoms.

Because this is an injury, know there is hope of healing this wound through many forms of trauma interventions like EMDR, Trauma Focused CBT, In Vivo Exposure Therapy, Attachment Base Therapy, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and so on. If you are in doubt about whether or not you have experienced secondary trauma, I encourage you to reach out to a trained professional to help you make sense of what you may be experiencing symptomatically.

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References:

Association, A. P. (n.d.). Trauma and Shock. Retrieved from apa.org

American Psychiatric Association. (2013). Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders (5th ed.). Arlington, VA: American Psychiatric Publishing.